Current Projects

Here's the slate. Familiarity with this list is crucial to being an effective Security Officer:


Operation Apprehension. Create false sabotage threats, encourage beefed-up Security presence.

Operation Beeswax. Encourage employees to report the suspicious behavior of their co-workers.

Operation Clean Sweep. Develop and implement methodology for terminating unpopular animals with "inexplicable causes." Current subject: Brachiosaurus.

Operation End Run. Initiate plan (if all else fails) to embarrass and discredit a certain "high-level" executive.

Operation Fall Guy. Identify potential scapegoats for various misdeeds. Gather establishing "evidence."

Operation Provide Comfort. Implement cash payments to settle wrongful death claims and other public relations problems related to (unspecified) incidents during initial research.

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